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Sandra
It was October when I first noticed the lump in my breast. I went home
to my mom's for thanksgiving and told her about it, but I had only worked in my
government job for 1 year and did not qualify for medical yet.
I knew that if it was cancer I would probably be off work for a while, and my benefits
hadn't kicked in yet at work. I decided I would go to the doctor after I was eligible for
benefits because I would need the sick pay to cover my bills etc. I didn't want the insurance
company to say it was a pre-existing condition and therefore deny me.
So on December 8th I saw the doctor. He seemed quite concerned, as did I because by this time my breast had nearly doubled in size, and hurt like hell! I was living in the north at the time and
was going outside on a regular basis to fill the large ziplock baggies with snow to 'cool
off' my breast.
I had to drive to another city the following week for a mammogram (the town I lived in
was a population of about 500). The mammogram was so painful I screamed the whole time,
I'm sure people thought I was nuts. I was convinced that woman was standing behind
the machine jumping up and down on the pedal!
On December 23rd I got the call. I sat in silence, I was speachless. I had never felt so alone in
all my life.....I didn't want to ruin anyone's xmas so I didn't tell anyone until afterward.
Then all the activity began........... All the surgeons were on holidays, of course, because
it was xmas. At the time I thought 'how dare they?'
The biopsy on January 3rd did not show inflammatory cancer, but they said it was definitely cancer, and they would have to remove my breast.
Again I drove to the larger town two hours away and when I arrived I was told that the surgeon's grandmother in Germany had died, and my surgery would be put off for another week.
I wanted to kill him. I didn't care that his grandmother was dead, I might be dead, too, by the time he got back! It's amazing how selfish this disease makes you!
It finally happened on January 28th. The surgeon removed my breast and then two weeks later I started Chemo. That was the ugliest 6 months of my life! I don't have to tell any of you who have gone through it.... You know... except to say they never could make me stop throwing
up!
When Chemo was done, I was told I would have to fly 1000 miles to the cancer
center to start my 6 weeks of radiation. A week before I left the surgeon called me in
and told me he had made a mistake, and he wanted to tell me before the oncologists in
the larger center did. That's when he told me that my breast should not have removed
first.
Blah Blah Blah was all I heard. That sort of stuff was the least of my worries.... I just
wanted to survive this thing! My radiation went well, and I returned to work hairless and
tired..very tired 2 weeks later.
I had to move to the town the cancer clinic was in so I could meet regularly with the
oncologist, and have been here now for 3 1/2 years. I am a much stronger person for all
that I have been through and feel great.
My life has changed dramatically, and I take very little for granted anymore. I refer to my cancer as 'character building'. And I like the 'character' I have become. A kinder gentler me!
This sunday I will be throwing a party to celebrate 5 years since my 'death sentence'. I call it that
because that's what it felt like at the time..... I feel I beat this thing and kept my sense of
humor, too!
If you are recently diagnosed...hang in there! Be a Warrior! Don't let this
thing get you!
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